Sunday, October 31, 2010


wow you actually wrote me a message and to no surprise my boyfriend freaked out. Guess I was a idiot to believe he won't, again your right. And I hate being wrong. There was so much I wanted to say and so little I actually could say. Everything is so messed up in my mind. I care about you and want to be a better friend than I was but I really love him. He means sooo much to me and I wish he could understand what I'm going through. He could be the one, actually now I'm pretty sure he is. I'd love to discus that with you, it would prove how much I've grown. Again I have so much to say but I'm not sure I really can. It's all so confusing and the past is haunting. The things I did, the way I acted was unacceptable! I've hurt three amazing guys and have manged to stay friends with two of them but I lost you. I'm not sure I even want a friendship, mainly I want to hear your doing well. But I will finally admit, never mind I won't. The bridge is burned and I don't know that it can be Fixed.

**This letter is to a guy who will never receive it. We have burned a bridge that might not ever be Fixed!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Foolishly Burned

I hope your doing well & by the way thanks! I finally enlisted yesterday just like you said I would. I gave up on my self so many times but you never did, you knew I would make it. Everyone is so proud of me and I'm just eating up all the attention. I know though you'd be prouder than any of them because you understand everything I went through, in fact you went through a lot of the same things.
I hope the Navy is everything you hoped for and more! I hope you made lots of friends and excelled in p.t. and everything else they threw your way. I'm sure you did though you are amazing and have tons of determination. I wish we hadn't burned this bridge but I won't admit I miss you.
Things are Going Well here and I hope it is there too.

This letter is to an amazing guy you will never get for the bridges we Foolishly Burned !

Sunday, October 24, 2010


"When you smile the whole world stops and stares for a while... Cause your amazing just the way you are"

I was so worried with me going off to the Army we'd have to go are separate ways but he still says forever and always. It pains me to think he might have to give up his dreams for mine. I want the very best for the ones I love and I'm not sure I can let him give up his dreams to follow a crazy solider. I'm not sure he fully understands the sacrifice it takes to be with a solider. Why does love have to be a battlefield, why can't battlefields just be in wars? Cause now I'm gonna have 2 battlefields!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Speak Now or Take A Bow

"Cause I'm so mad I might tell you that's it over but if you look a little closer I still leave but all i really want is you to stand out side my window throwing pebbles screaming I'm in love"

He seems not to care at all about our future but If I know him then he is just hiding his true feelings afraid of getting hurt again. All my choices may not be the best and that's why I'm trying to look at this one from every angle. But without his perceptive I can't include him in the choice. And if he can't be in life choices, he can't be in my life. Love can fade and people move on though that's not what I want at all. That choice is in his hands and time is running out. Speak Now or Take A Bow to theater for your act was amazing! 

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Thoughtful Words

So we went our separate ways and your no longer here to help me deal with my problems. Now I'm standing on my own two feet. I think you'd find that hot but I believe you'd see right through my mask. You'd know my instability though no one around me notices. You would be on the verge of telling my boyfriend he's a fool for not being apart of my decision because it will affect My life (that he wants to be apart of). You would have thoughtful words about it while I fail to say anything to him to help him understand. Guess now he won't turn into a pizza and Britt won't eat him. Though I could imagine the story behind that joke happening if you were still around and man would it be funny. I still won't admit I miss you cause it would make it true. But i wish you were here to give me the thoughtful words I need. I need my boyfriend to be a part of my decision if he wants to apart of my life but I don't have your THOUGHTFUL WORDS.

This letter is to whom will never receive it due to going separate ways but will never be Forgotten!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Risk Insanity

"I'm So Sick Of Watching The Minutes Pass While I Go Nowhere"

In light of recent events I've been skeptical about when to start my career. Before I believed I could wait a while and be in reserves. But the longer I think and more I learn it seems better to dive right in and go active. But my fears consume me during this choice.
This is my future... The weight is crashing down upon me. I see a path that may cure the insanity that crawls under my skin but if the path is deceiving I may drown in the insanity without my best friend their to guide me. I realize I must stand on my own two feet but the thought is still scary and the insanity is only shot back with his help and my boyfriend's support. Therefore could I leave them now? If not won't I have to do it later? Sgt. says I should do what makes me happy and this would but the "what if" scares me.
What if my insanity takes over???
Can or Will I risk losing it all if I could gain sanity?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Not Soon Forgotten

Today I thought about you and the day we had one year ago today. & though I know it shouldn't the memory brings a smile to my face. I should regret what I did but you know what, if I could go back one year I'd do it all over again. The whole day was fun not just parts of the day. I got out with friends and just had fun, no strings attached. It might have sparked more stupid decisions  and some I would change but this one I wouldn't. I won't admit I miss you, that would make it true and I just can't give into my emotions. But such a friend as you can never be forgotten. Yes we both made stupid decisions and had to go are separate ways but I wouldn't change a single thing...well maybe that one time we ditched school but then again probably not. Its a funny memory now that I look back and I can reassuringly tell you I'm not gay ha ha. I was wrong about loving you, I loved the attention and the way you made me believe that you knew where I was coming from. But I really did have feelings for , they just weren't as strong as I once believed. On the other hand You left a Impression NOT SOON FORGOTTEN

This letter is specially written to someone who will never get it. I have to stay strong and continue on my separate path and just pray that he is doing well ♥

Saturday, October 9, 2010


Here My Conclusions: I make my own choices, good or bad, and deal with my own Consequences. I may stray from my path at times but It's my path. I live my own life not what others demand of me. & Anyone who has a problem with that isn't needed in my life!

I can't be picture prefect like they want nor would I if the chance was available! I love my crazy slightly messed up friends. My boyish look is comfortable and my style. I screw up though and things don't always go my way. I understand they want what's best for me but I have to live my life. Cause the Secret is...
"Everybody Dies But Not Everyone LIVES!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

All Away

"Teach Me Wrong From Right And I'll Show You What I Can Be"

I don't understand the sudden insanity that's pulsing through my veins. Things were doing actually ok and then came these nightmares. I'm half awake for them all causing me a like of energy. Any little thing I have to do seems to hard to bear. With my dreams almost in reach will my insanity rip it All Away?

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Note To Jealous Girl...

I understand you hate that you can't have my boyfriend. I don't blame you one bit Hun cause mine is beautiful and yours looks like trash. Everyone girl wants my boyfriend and your no competition looking like a cow!
I also understand you hatred towards my cousins and me. We are known for backing up our word while everyone knows your word ain't even worth a penny during the Great Depression.
Word of advice though, No one likes a Jealous Girl!