Wednesday, June 30, 2010


And even if my life is suddenly decides to stop the world doesn't. It moves on and the people do to. I guess im just pathic being stuck in place. But i see nothing to move on to and nothing in the past worth remebering so in the end i'm just STUCK.

Monday, June 28, 2010


"Forgiveness such a simple word but so Hard to do when you've been hurt."

I messed up but he forgave me. Told me it was alright, that I couldn't change the past but I did the right thing to fix the future. So everything is alright, right? Wrong!

I can't forgive myself. The memory haunts me and I can't forget the other. He is so forgiving and it makes it worse knowing I hurt someone how loves me so much.

If my soul wasn't so Twisted, I wouldn't have made the mistake and I wouldn't need FORGIVENESS.

Saturday, June 26, 2010


I was lied too, they said things were different after high school. I see no difference. The pain is just the same, the sanity is only a little more gone but that's caused by staying at home. My mistakes still follow me and I feel alone. No more hanging with people that are half way friends. Guess things have CHANGED some, but where is good part of after graduation?

Friday, June 25, 2010

Twisted Choices

Yesterday I wrote Unwanted. That's how I felt in the rush of the moment. 24 hours later though, my view has changed. In angry moments being used seemed like the last straw. But truth is I used him too. In the name of lust, I am no better.

Was he really just wanting in my pants? NO
He cared about me, he was just confused on the line between friendship and more. When his girl friend and him at rough times it was easy to run to me, and he didn't know he was doing it. He understood me and always there to help.

Did he tried to Isolate me from my friends? NO
I wanted to shift the blame, I lost my friends because of Me! I'm selfish, Mean, Devious and more. Guess what though... even though I'm all those things he still cared.

Did I make a Mistake? Huge One
I lost another friend and yet again hurt someone I love. My life is twisted because of TWISTED CHOICES and this time reality was better.

Should I fix things? I can't answer this question
I should forgive? God knows I need forgiveness.
It would upset my boyfriend more, but don't I deserve Forgiveness?
And Can anyone Answer these questions?

Thursday, June 24, 2010


And just when I trust someone, I notice what they have done to my life. He fueled fire to isolate my friends from me. He only wanted in my pants, just like my real friends said. He got everything he wanted. My friends are gone, and he got in my pants. Then he decided I'm not what he wanted at all... So I guess this twisted soul is left UNWANTED.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Seven Deadly Sins

Their Deadly for a reason, they kill. Some physical, others mentally but the result is always the same, Death. Lots of people suffer from a deadly sin and it slowly destroys their life.

Confession Time: I suffer from Lust.
I want to flirt, I do flirt.
I want to do the wrong thing so I do.
Live in the moment.
Only think of myself and not how it will effect others
I Love my Boyfriend, but i just cheated on him
Lust is a deadly sin, its is tearing me apart and killing me inside. The only solution I see is suicide but I'm too greedy to rid the world of my lust... yet another deadly sin.

Is there forgiveness and am I worth it? Is there a better solution and can I find it? I need a hero but is anyone willing? Can death be avoided after flirting with deadly sins?

Monday, June 14, 2010


Everyone is entitled to a secret...

But even when its all said and done and the actions were long ago the secret never goes away. You keep to the same story that never changes over time. The ones close to you though my realize the spark in your eye that gives the lie away. I know there is something wrong with his story but as this started out... Everyone is ENTITLED to a secret!

Saturday, June 12, 2010


Another story has changed yet again. You would think it wouldn't hurt anymore, that I would become Immune. The Pain though will never cease. Two words can change a story completely, making me question love all together. It hurts when the one you love lies to you but it is nothing compared to the pain of not being WORTH the truth.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Twisted Love

He Loves Her
I Love Him
Typical story right? Wrong!
He loves her though her depression is tearing them apart
I Love another boy but my family and his lifestyle is tearing us apart
They have mixed feelings about each other: lust, friendship & the past
They are exes and close friends
They would be perfect for each other in every way their loved ones aren't
Everybody would Love to see them together
But this is how the story goes:
He Loves Her
I Love Him

This love is not the cure to life people say it is, but it is true love. The difference is when you cross a path with a twisted soul it results in Twisted Love!

Monday, June 7, 2010


Anger builds like a kid's energy locked in a candy store
Depression slowly eats away at me like a turtle with it's food
Sanity is long gone along with my life
A Monster is destroying me in the Most EXTREME way
& this is how I live my life!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

He Loves Me...

Love is the bitch life hires for any easy night

He loves me...So he is moving back to where she lives
He loves me...Enough to be jealous of all my Friends
He loves me...But walks out the room when I drop my pants
He loves me...while the lies keep getting bigger
He Loves me...And I love him, that's all that matters!

Wait that last one doesn't make sense, but boy is it true

Thursday, June 3, 2010


The Perfect Life is never what he wanted
"Sex wasn't Anything like i thought it would be...
Parents are always argueeing with me, Don't Trust me...
Im not Truely Happy"

My ex boyfriend told me this today, and he proved a point so common people often miss it. Perfection in Idea is great but Life isn't meant to be perfect and it won't be. Live life as each moment comes don't get lost in a direct path because the less traveled ones are much better in Reality.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


" I don't know"

"Nobody ever does"

"Would it matter if they did?"

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


The amount of Darkness must equal Light, it is the only way to live! That one moment of complete happiness will cause your life mass destruction. Because every action has a reaction.