Monday, October 31, 2011

Redemption: Heather

Description for one of the two main characters in my book Redemption.

That stupid Cheer Bitch always ruins everything. Her touch torches shit under her red and white spirit nails. Her voice pains my bleeding ears and she defiantly processes the “looks to kill.” Blonde hair, Blue eyed, perfect figure Cheer captain but don’t let that fool you, her tiny body burst with evil to a higher extent than an actual blood thirsty wolf, (which is her mascot).

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


insanity is crawling beneath my skin, I just can't hide from the overwhelming madness! This confident, cool rocker chick character will only last so long. Such a fool to believe this play would last. The truth is I'm insane and the knife offers the balance I need. But will this reveal the actress behind the curtain? Will he walk away or will the insanity push him away?Will things ever be ok?!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Typical or Not-So-Typical Tennage Deviance

I hate you!

Well it's more like I hate how you make me think.
I know I should've been with you instead of your best friend, it's pretty obvious looking back and we both can easily see it.  Well lets back this up to the start...

      2 Boys competing over the cute but insecure rocker chick. How much simpler does it get? Of course the girl chooses the wrong one, typical story. She falls for the one who constantly uses her and takes advantage of her but its ok because he choose her over all the other girls. She knew both guys liked her which made her feel amazing but as I said she choose the wrong one, the one with the most game, isn't that how it usually works?
     Next chapter things begin to really start up, the climax you might say. The rocker chick becomes a pothead toy while the other guy finds another girl... a smarter one if you might say. Of course this doesn't fly well with our main character, she has to go after him and prove she can get what she shouldn't have, it's that rebellious streak. Average story she gets his attention, he decides to hook up with her... but her insecurities and morals get the best of her and whatever did happens is written off as a dream.
    A few chapters and deviant actions later the poor chick has twisted her reality into all the things she promised she never would be and left for a new adventure. She called her friend a few times but he was never home, wrote a letter that was never returned; she assumed her story had ended quite tragically. Months later though she is back in the same town struggling to keep her rebellion and practice her morals. Stuck up her old friends would call this "new" character. But he shows up after an incident she didn't know how to solve. He flung around words and proved he knew her better than she remembered but as the story goes she had already started a new life, this could be just another dream that never happened but than again the thoughts are swirling around her mind and that rebellious streak is dying to come out, for what is a rocker chick without her rebellion? The end?

Friday, September 9, 2011


I'm sorry that my hair and skin are tainted black,
My hair isn't blonde enough to blend right in
I apologize my piercings are so taboo,
Too many holes to please society
Forgive me for my ideas are absurd,
Normality can never be my style
I don't seek perfection but if your dead set on it...

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Trick or Treat!

Trick or Treat!

Little early for Halloween isn't it? But yet I'm playing a game of trick or treat. I want to be this character I've been tricking him into believing is me which is quite a treat! But we all know my twisted insanity can only be hidden for so long. Once the curtain reveals the actor behind the script I will be nothing but a foolish kid playing Trick or Treat winning best costume!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

100% Positive

This is my 100 post and a very positive update too (:

>My Dad is trying to be apart of my Life ♥
>I have an amazing Garage Band King ♥
>I Live for Jesus ♥

Oh and check out my new blog PLZ!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Dear Heart

Dear Heart,
You know what....I'm Done!

The past no longer has an effect on me nor do the people I'm leaving behind in that past. Another step forward without looking back. In my twisted reality there is always room for change and a light to guide me. Jesus is the way and the truth. Better than any lust, drug or sin of this world


P.s - oh yeah and Heart be prepared for a roller coaster cause I meet this guy and yeah you can guess the rest!

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Numbing of the Pain

Getting over you or use to the pain?

5 a.m wake up, I survived another day with no tears for you...
That old song brought up memories for a second but they faded...
That cute girl drives me absolutely crazy...
Our text messages no longer leave a gashing hole...

But I'm afraid it's just the Numbing of the Pain

Monday, August 1, 2011

Preface for Redemption

preface to my new short story...

What if your fate was in the hands of an evil, dictating ex-girlfriend throwing around pom-pom’s at every football game for recreation? What if your life suddenly stopped for hers? I’m basically trapped in her mind and she needs help but would you help the one person who destroyed your life? Not so sure I will.

Sunday, July 31, 2011


I'm tired of of giving chance after chance only to see the actions produced by drugs and lust. My ears bleed at the sound of more candy coated lies. If you were here (funny right?!) I'd have one last thing to say, "I'm done." That's it plain and simple, no wrath upon you just simple words of regret.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Cry For Help

This cry for help cuts me to the soul.
What do you do when a girl confesses her love to you while dealing with major issues and is depending on you BUT you've already moved on? I care about her but what about the guy right here at home? The one I want so badly and ready to trust him this time.... In over my head and this numbing sensation from the current situation leaves me too, Crying Out For Help!

Monday, July 18, 2011

Twisted Thoughts

So I told him he had to prove himself and no shit guess what...
he is actually trying to do exactly that :O
Didn't see that coming....
He is coming over in the am so stay tuned for for twisted thoughts

Saturday, July 16, 2011


My heart forgave you in assumptions that you had walked away for good. Now you throw around promises with whiskey on your breath, I would say come back sober but your more truthful, more you in this state of mind. This awkward punk rock chick is fencing  between her old life with your drugs and her new life that seems to be coming together. Easy choice right, of course but temptation's pressure grows and my heart wants to believe that you could change. 

Friday, July 15, 2011

Twisted View

Back from Basic...shit didn't work out
My depression really took a toll...
So I'm back for now
Which means you get a view into my Twisted Soul.....

My First Tattoo

Sunday, May 22, 2011


So tomorrow starts my new adventure in the Army.
Very excited but a tad bit nervous
The legal stuff I was smoking is now off the shelves but hopefully not able to show up in a drug test yet.
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong" -Gandhi

And with that quote, that sums out my feelings towards the guy I've been writing about, I leave my blog for 9weeks (Basic training)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

College Experience

You said goodbye, you said "Don't be sorry Nix, I'm sorry."

Well dear I'm not sorry I won't add to your jar of hearts, I just wish I wouldn't have fell for a boy who wouldn't catch me. You took my v-card so I guess I won't forget you but when the memory comes up I'll laugh and the only response about you I'll have to say is: "Crazy college kids"
That's all you are, were.... the stupid college experience. No more, no less.
It's a shame to lose your best friend, he was a good friend to me but I realize he too plays games just a slightly different one than you.
Thanks for the full College Experience!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Second Chance?

"saturday at the _________ i didnt really fill tht condom up or any of tht idk if u knew this or could tell but_____ walkd away cryin i think"

This is pretty much a Jerk statement!
1st Off he states the obvious making him sound like he is calling me stupid!
2nd Yeah him pretty much ruined my first time having sex, thanks for bringing it back up!
3rd Both him and his best friend wanted in my pants, he didn't get to BooHoo he has his own girlfriend!
4rth I noticed him crying, I've even talked to him about it. . .Oh well I've told him I don't see him that way!
5th Way to be a man. . .start something you can't finish!
6th He IMed me this!

He than goes on to say this "but um tht doest mean i dont wanna fuck you though"

Why the hell didn't he finish what he started! He might not get a second chance!


Sunday, May 8, 2011

My Twisted Havoc

This Twisted soul is starting to be well content

He may not be labeled as my "boyfriend" but we have an amazing time together and that's all that matters. Only one week left of College and looking back on this year I've made some pretty epically awesome friends ♥ I've fallen several times and left many scars but each time I got back up and started a new adventure. So what if I made a lot of mistakes I'm not perfect. . . I'm Twisted!

And I wouldn't Have it any other way as a start my next adventure. . . About 2 and a half weeks out till Basic Training where I'll become Army Strong and Who knows what Havoc awaits me there (:

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Haunt Me!

I'm falling for your game. The incredible feeling of skin against skin the closeness of you inside of me  vs. Days without speaking and little to say soberly around the rest of the world. You will kiss me all over but you won't hold my hand. You whisper lines I want to believe, than I'm just one of the guys. From the outside looking in I'm just a fuck buddy but you say I'm more and at times you act like were more. You'll stand up for me and smoke with me, I'm cool enough to hang with your friends and my friends are growing on you.

But I leave soon.. 3 weeks. Than what? I'm gone, this is gone... So please give me something that will Haunt Me!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Sex, Drugs And . . . A Hippie Festival

The insanity reached a boiling point... with sex, drugs, and a hippie festival.

I had sex for the first time Saturday with the guy I've been seeing. It wasn't what I expected at all but my body carves more and emotional I feel the attachment I  promised I won't feel. I'm beginning to fall knowing he won't catch.

Trying to avoid drugs with my new friends is a huge joke so again I was smoking Saturday (legal stuff). 10min after sex though we went to find a friend who was smoking pots to only be found by the cops. Thankfully I didn't get in any trouble but my some what boyfriend was charged with possession.

And all this happened at a Hippie festival on Saturday.... It's now Tuesday and  still haven't heard from this guy and my emotions are going haywire. I'm beginning to believe I'll just be another heart in his collection jar.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Twisted Roller Coaster

Well my twist always keeps things interesting....

->I still miss my ex to extreme measures and the friend that recently passed away in a car crash
->The new guy I'm talking to might only be interested in sex drugs and rap???? Oh yeah and smoking is my new addiction. FYI rap imo is Retards Attempting Poetry
-> Speaking of addictions the urge to cut has returned
-> Depression is again taking it's toll
->But overall things aren't too bad

Yep I'm a Twisted Roller Coaster

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Downward Spiral

reality is taking it's toll once again...

His death is weighting down on me along with his secret he never got to reveal because of me
Our break up sent me spiraling downwards even father once you found her
Drugs seems so appealing lately
And Daniel wrote on "Last letter to Daniel"
I don't understand what's wrong with me, my life is constantly in the state of insanity and the more I escape reality the worse reality becomes. Maybe this Twisted Outlook isn't as great as I once believed.
Don't be fooled being different is awesome but this downward spiral is messing up my twist. 

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Nothing More

What is love worth when not acted upon? A simple feeling no greater than Anger or Agony.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

I Don't Want To Love You

I love you.
There I admit it.... I love you!
No matter how I try I can't get over you
New Boyfriend ✔
Stay Busy✔
Never say your name✔
Keep you out of my dreams✔

But all you have to do is re appear and all my feelings come rushing back but
I Don't Want To Love You!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Too Many

So I haven't been on in a while but things have been a mess.
2 many boys, 2 many problems, yeah that about covers it.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Without Love

The words I said I didn't mean. Angry, agony swell up in me. Overwhelming pain drowns me.
Your gone. There is no forever. I become lost, broken but alive. Life is now a strange sensation. What is life without love?

Monday, February 14, 2011

Last Letter to Daniel

I thought I was done writing letters to you on a blog where you most likely will never read them but I guess I have one last one to write. After our last fight man I was so angry, here we had fixed things only to fight again. And again you were right and man do I hate being wrong!
But I realized we are very different people who live very different lives. You take everything so serious you forget to have a little fun and I put myself to out there only to be hurt realizing life isn't a fairytale.
Everyone saw how awful my relationship was and you tried to talk sense into me but I wanted to believe he loved me, that we could find away. But we didn't and we won't.It sucks cause believe it or not we did love each other.
I know I have a lot of growing up to do and maybe I have a little but I also feel like I'm losing myself and my old life. Maybe change is good, maybe the past should stay behind me. Actually that last sentence makes a lot of sense. The past should be left behind.

Saturday, February 12, 2011


I hate confessions!

I hate that I pour my heart out only to have it ripped out!
I hate that I love him with every piece of my broken heart!
I hate not wanting to let go!
I hate that cried in front of my friends over him!
I hate that I can't stop thinking of him!
I hate that he is moving on without me!
But mostly I hate this pain... I'd rather be anger to admit this pain, this sorrow. I wan to be angry!
I Hate that I'm not angry.... Only hurt!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Step Up


I love you! But I don't know what to do or say. I keep pouring out my heart but you never tell me how you feel. You say you still love me but you leave it at that. I'm losing my mind! I need your help... If you want to be with me Step Up!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Save Me

"I tear my heart open I sew my self shut my weakness is that I care too much"

Yeah I lied...I even lied to myself. I miss you, i love you! And that's hard to admit.
I'm scared of so much and these emotions are raw and out there for you
This love has no guarantees
The razor is calling my name and my wrist is longing for its touch
I love you, I'm scared, I'm beginning to go numb
I need you to save me

Friday, January 28, 2011

You Never Loved Me At All

Why would you purposely hurt someone you love or better yet HOW could you purposely hurt someone you love?
This question has been haunting me and the answer is beyond my knowledge. I know I have messed up before and caused a lot of grief but I always had good intentions. I may walk a little bit sideways at times but I always took the road less traveled just for you. I did all I could and still it wasn't enough. & it will never be enough simply because fate will take its course. I admit I am a handful and a long shot gamble but never am I a flat out jerk. My life couldn't stopping spinning till you decided to come around. But the answer to my question might just be: You Never Loved Me At All

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I do NOT miss him!

I won't admit it! I refuse to admit it! I don't care if it's true, I'm not admitting it!
I do NOT miss him!
I hope he's happy doing whatever cause obviously my feelings don't matter! I didn't mean to hurt him, I was only telling him the truth. He is an amazing guy but I'm not in love with him. I care about him and love him but he just isn't the right person for me.
& yeah i have a crush on this crazy rock star but i haven't seen him since our date. Talked to him some on fb but that's it. He's cool and all but really it's just a stupid crush... my ex shouldn't have made such a big deal about him but whatever.
I do NOT miss him!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

I ♥ this Game

"Your the kinda reckless that should send me running but I kinda know I won't get far" ♥

People always tell me "I can't wait till someone plays your games on you"
Well it's their lucky day cause this guy is playing!
One day he is totally into me and then he ignores me
Might have been on a date with him the other night... but haven't heard from him since
He is totally driving me crazy but I ♥ this game
It's so much fun & craziness all in mixed together!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Moment of Truth

Your everything the old me loved
I was terrified to take you back because I was afraid you wouldn't love the new me...
But after yesterday I' not so sure the new me is in love with you.
I know you'll blame my new friend and truth is I do like him
But that has nothing to do with us...
Truth is we were never meant to be
& boy does that suck!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


1 simple word with only four letters. And it terrifies me!

I can stand up to a jerk twice my size. I might get my butt kicked but I'll still have my pride and will at least get a few good punches in!
I can hold my head up through all the nasty labels, because I know I'm better than that!
Put a gun to my head, I'll tell you to pull it, cause i honestly doubt you have the guts to pull the trigger!
I may stand my ground from any clown cause really can you not tell their Physcopaths in makeup! But I will not run with my tail tucked under!

But you absolutely terrify me. This feeling I have makes me weak in the knees but running back for more. I want to run away from the pain of heartbreak. It's worse than any pain, including a hurt pride. I can face anything head on but you. Cause what if I mess up one to many times? What if I'm not good enough? What if you decided not to love me anymore?