Thursday, September 30, 2010

Best Ones

" Show Me What It's Like To Be The Last One Standing... Hurry Please I'm Falling"

My Mind is soo scattrerd I believe I'm going mad
"Am I Mad?"
Yes but let me tell you a secret...All the best ones are!"

I still despise her, I no longer have a reason but still I have the overwhelming erg to knock her flat on her fat butt. Saturday she'll be in my state and I'm seeing her fiancee. This should be a good show for the devil... Hope he has enough popcorn!

The lies are building up and soon will crash into reality. Fate laughs while I continue to run from three things that will catch up to me. Will I lose my mom, grandma and boyfriend???

I miss my friends, I need them. Mostly just the best friend. He always knows what to say but he is so proud I'm not crazy anymore, could I really survive letting him down again?

As you see I'm going mad and I don't believe I'm one of the BEST ONES

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Catch Me

"By The Way You Left Without Saying Goodbye To Me"

I look back and realize we did all we could to hold on but in the end we had to split up for we couldn't run from fate forever. Sure we wanted to and we might have even had the passion to but fate would've caught up to us. Yeah we still talk from time to time a state part and we're both doing our own things but sometimes I remember how it was to be together. Don't get me wrong, I only want to be with my boyfriend, but the thought of how close we were to how distant we are now breaks my heart.
But even worse I see it happening all over again. Our reasons for separating are slowly unraveling around my present day. I still want to run from fate and million dollar questions is when will fate CATCH ME!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

More Than A Fairytale

"Your the Best Thing That's Ever Been Mine"

Sometimes I feel discouraged and I lose sight of all that's right. Then I see your face and feel your touch and the world fades out of view. I never thought Id get close to anyone other than my best friend. I thought friendship was all life had to offer. Love seemed like a fairytale. Now I see your face and feel your touch and realize love is so much MORE THAN A FAIRYTALE all because of you ♥

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

After You

"All The Past Is Just A Lesson We Have Learned"

I caught myself thinking of you today wondering how your doing and wishing you were here to see how far I've come. Everything is different now from the shoes on my feet to my outlook on life. You were all I needed to see clearly, a person to not hold back and yell at me about horrid person I was being. Now I look back at the fight and embrace it for without it where would I be now?
People go their separate ways and letting go is just apart of life but I find myself thinking of you. I hope the Navy is everything you wanted it to be. And though you can't be here and my thoughts rarely turn to you, you've still got a piece of my heart. Weather it was all a lie or not is a skeptical topic but the good memories still burn my heart. I pray that God watches AFTER YOU.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Weakness Win

"I Don't Wanna Waste Another Minute Here"

No matter how well the day goes at the end the stress consumes me. Weather it's the lack of energy or the loneliness of the absent friends I scarcely see it always consumes me. Lately I believe it is resulting in stomach aches but I can't tell anyone that I'm depressed and that's most likely my problem. So close to my dream of army strong there's no way I will let my WEAKNESS WIN!

Friday, September 17, 2010

My Life

"You saw it coming but it hit you out of nowhere"

Got back home from my date and I feel terrible. His foster family was with us and the dad asked the most challenging questions and then reviled a heart breaking decision. My boyfriend has decided to join the Marines, most girl would be proud their guys going to serve the country but not me. That's always been my dream! I'm serving my country when I get out of college so where does that leave us? Two different services and places! That's why I don't attach myself to people cause they always leave. If that's what he wants I won't stop he but I won't let he stop me from joining the Army either for that's all I've ever wanted to do with MY LIFE.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Do You Love Me

"I braced myself for the good bye cause that's all I've ever known."

This last week was crazy. Sunday night some random guy sent me a im me on fb and told me about my boyfriend's other girlfriendS. I was shocked but wasn't to sure he was telling the truth. My luck Monday a random girl sent the same im. Now that hurt and I was devastated. I mean what the hell happened to Forever and Always dude. He called Tuesday and told me they were lying but it made no sense why random people would lie the same story. Wednesday was my 18th birthday and I decided to not think about it but he called and my heart melted. My cousin told me that they were lying on Thursday and I felt bad for not believing my boyfriend. Friday we went to the game together and had a blast. But today he spent the day with one of the girls he was "flirting" with. So it's like I love you but do you love me?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Shooting Stars

"It didn't fall in his lap so he ain't even here he pretends that airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars"

It's been a while since I've been here. Between trying to get in the routine of college and trying to deal with my mental issues I've been left with no time. I'm back now though and I'm here to stay unless something else comes my way out of no where.

I miss my friends as they begin to fall away for I never get to see them anymore. I feel lonely without them everyday. I have people I see at school that I may say hi to but it usually doesn't go much farther than that.

But I'm not ready to give up, for I am not Ignorant. I know that Airplanes in the night sky are not SHOOTING STARS!