Saturday, March 31, 2012

Day 5 Clean

So it seems some days are easier than others. Another pretty good day and no mishaps. Pretty much still focusing on the ex best friend though instead of cleansing. I'm pretty sure on Monday I'm going t talk to him and work things out. Well i guess there's nothing really new to say but hey I survived one more day!

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Day 4 Clean

Well Day 4 was my first Thursday and I survived. Thursday I spend by myself because I have no school, so it's just me and my thoughts. I went over a million different ideas on how to get my best friend back but nothing seemed realistic and it ended up just upsetting my boyfriend more. My arm tingled a lot craving a razor, which for those who don't know is my real addiction that I gave up a few years ago, but I ignored it. I realized that weed was a replacement for cutting and a type of freedom I really didn't want. I'll explain those realizations later when I figure them out.

James 1:2-4

Testing of Your Faith Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Day 3 Clean

Day 3 felt a lot like day one, may even have been worse. I woke up excited to turn my English paper in and be done with it. I talked to two of my guy friends in English but I dreaded leaving class. I knew as soon as I left Id walk down stairs to biology where id find my use to be best friend talking to mutual friends outside my next class. I ended up skipping that class as my heart shattered seeing his face. Of course he ended up skipping his class too and walked over to his best friend that I was about to tell I couldn't be friends with him anymore either. We took us both a lot of strength to just say hi and all the pain in the world to sit there awkwardly in silence. I ended up walking away crying to my group of friends who tried to cheer me up. I felt like dying and it wasn't because of no weed. Actually weed has barely crossed my mind, all I can think about is how I lost him. My own boyfriend was even jealous of how heart broken I am over losing him. God please show me what to do I'm lost.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Day 2 Clean

Well the saying is true the first day is the hardest..or at least so far. I let another friend go but I wasn't very close to him. Some people believe I'm stupid for all this but I believe nothing is stupid if it is done in the name of God. I feel as though I'm in the eye of the storm. It hurt not to hang out with my friends because a few of them smoking but it was more numbing than anything. I'm actually afraid of the pain to come. But I know when it comes Jesus will be right there with and he is much stronger than any problem. For now I just have to preserver.

Romans 5:2-5 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Day 1 Clean

So the first day was a roller coaster ride of emotions. I had to walk away from my best friend after he told me he loves me. I'm pretty sure a part of me died when I walked away. I also am in the process of losing more friends but man he was the hardest. Than that night a friend gave me a solution to keep the guy I just lost. Which threw my mind into a frenzy trying to figure out what's right. At this point the best thing to do is breathe in and out while praying to God.

Proverbs 12:26 One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

30 Days of Cleansing

Jesus has called me to be his servant but I am unable to completely  serve him while I have the nasty habit of smoking. So for the next 30 days I am going to cleanse my body and soul no matter what the cost. I will bear my cross because Jesus gave everything for me and now it's my turn to give everything to him.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
- Philippians 4:13

Thursday, March 1, 2012


The Old me is slipping up again, the insanity is rising just above the skin.
The lust is capturing
The wrath is vindictive
The attention is thriving
The habits are tempting

Where do you draw the line? Where do you say this is ok, it's me and when is it ok to say that's not who I am and it should change? Or am I just Insane?