Monday, November 22, 2010


I want leave and I want to leave now. what the hell is holding me here lies packed on lies. Mockery makes the rain pour down. My writing is everything, how could it be mocked? How can the very deepest feelings be thrown in my face? what is love if you don't believe in me and why the hell would you show your disbelief by writing? the one thing I love the most and you mock it? Well if you wanted to make me see how much of a screw up I really am, then good job. Such a jerk!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Worth The Pain

"This is the last night you'll spend alone look me in the eyes so I'll know you know I'm everything you need me to be"

My best friend and boyfriend are the most amazing guys in the universe. There is nothing better than these two guys; Id rather have them at their worse than anyone else at their best.  I don't agree with their stance on my new friend though. I realize their afraid I'll get hurt and secretly I'm afraid I could get hurt or maybe my friend. But to me its worth the chance of getting hurt and apparently they feel the same way or they won't still talk to me. I really don't know how he feels about our friendship but I realize true friends are the ones to keep. We both messed up but we're also both able to forgive and start over. He's my friend and that means a lot to me. He may be a pathological liar but hey I'm a crazy bitch! I love my boyfriend and best friend and I hope they soon understand how i feel and realize Friendship like this is Worth The Pain.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Second Chance

You and I walk a fragile line I have know this all the time but I never thought I'd see it break"

I feel like apologizing to everyone lately. The past is very haunting, looking back I can't even believe that it was me doing those things. Everyone was just a pawn in my twisted game. The aftermath though is a lose. The people I step over deserve so much better and I hate that they keep forgiving me. Can't they see I'm no good, that they are wonderful guys that deserve the best and not some twisted girl. I love my boyfriend and everything was going so well. The letters to Daniel didn't bother him at all but I'm sure the new responses do. I can't lose him, He is my other half, the one I love and everything important to me. But Daniel was an amazing friend that I... never mind that's not the point. What if we could be friends again? Love and Loyalty are put to the test, can I defeat my own game by stopping playing games or am I even worth the second chance?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Dare Not Ask

I can't believe you've read these letters to you. I never expected you to keep this URL, never the less to graduate basic and look back at it. After everything I put you through I thought I'd never hear from you again. It what I deserve. Not saying It's all my fault but I could've been a better friend. I could've been there when you needed me but I was always to self conceited. I want to hope for a friendship but I will ask for no such thing. I simply don't deserve it and you have no reason to believe I have changed. I have though and there's so much I want to say but so little to actually say. Read between the lines though and you will see my heart is still breaking over  the bridges we burned. I see so much more in between your lines though it's possible that's just my ego. I want our friendship back so much but I Dare Not Ask!

**These letters are to an amazing guy I never expected him to read but he did and it scares me to know he could read this one too!