Can't

I can't do it. I try and try but can't seem to do it. Breaking free seems ideal when I'm away but a disaster when I am here.Who else would I run to? I'll eventually figure it out, but at what cost? When its too late to stay unattached (or can i even claim still, that I am unattached) will I just fall apart once again The viscous cycle of love and hurt and damage and betrayal stings but still yet I keep it going. Co-dependent on another person that won't save me, can't save me. I just can't do it though.  

Confessions of a Bunburyist

Have you ever felt like your living double lives? Like you become stuck in this mundane routine even with it's psychopathic tendencies. Wake Up. Half ass your classes. But wish for an A. Don't break down. Go Home. Take a nap. Deal with drama. See boyfriend. Even if you don't like him. Let him comfort you. Even if it's fake. Wish to go home. Fall asleep. Repeat. I fucking hate it. Every last single second of it, I hate. But if I break routine I feel sick, light headed. I become confused, disoriented. I fucking hate it. Every last second of it, I hate. So I run to another place, with another face. I"m the girl he says is so pretty. I'm the girl he just wants to hold. He says i'm smart and I can get through it. But this is just one night. I hate that. Morning comes and i'm sick. But i wake up. Half ass my classes. It goes on and on. But why? Why can't i just be his girl? Why do I have to lie? have to hide? I fucking hate it,  Every last second of it, I hate!