Dancing Through

"I'm a mess that's the best way to describe it"
The monster is stretching and yawning, it grumbles in my happiness. I want to scream, to cut him loose, to run while there's still time!

"We'll do some drugs, we'll fall in the love, while the world just shrugs"
They tell me I can not scream; they tell me not to stand out. When I do, I'm alone and unseen. When I seek the help I'm a charity case. When I try. . .I just drown in pain. "Let Go, I'll Bring you closer." That's pretty much all I want to hear.

"Every memory walking out the back door"
The old quickly fades away and if it wasn't so intense I'd wonder if it ever actually exist. How can someone that made you whole become a stranger, how can it mean nothing, when for so long it was everything? How you walk away and turn around as if it never happened? Those are questions I'll never know.

"Don't let someone tell you your no one"
Words still haunt me, plague my memory and crush my spirit. "Heartless Bitch!" Am I really? Can I even come across as that or act in that way. I know I react and then think and I can be selfish but does that really make heartless?

So many songs, thoughts and insanity dancing through my happiness, reminding me how the ending always works. Or is it really a circle in a constant battle which we call life?

Left Behind

As school ends I see our friendship following suit. We can't blame the seasons, the drugs, the lust or even the miles apart. We both will soon reap what we have separately sowed. Your path is leading towards disaster as mine is an endless sky of possibilities. He will not make my decisions though your mattress skills so often make yours. My mind is clear and alert while yours is lost in a smoke screen of ignorance. You coast through life as I begin to awaken from the haze. I fear I have much to leave behind and our cozy friendship is just one of the many cherished memories I leave behind on the road that leads to nowhere.

Check Your Heart

I don't understand how you claim to be a christian set apart from those believers who act wordly as though they know not God but then turn around and condemn someone to hell for their wrong doings. That was never God's love nor is it a way to present yourself as a follower of Christ! This is what leads people away.
A man stands on trail for death row, he murdered your friend and others. So now he deserves to burn in hell for all eternity He soul is worthless to you but what is his soul to God? Does God not love him as his own and sent his son to die for him.
Peter was one of the closet disciple to Christ. Yet before he turned to Christ he murdered people. One of those could have been your friend or your loved one. Does that mean Peter should burn in hell? A disciple that followed after God's own heart, has books in the Bible and deserves hell.
If that was the case we all deserve hell. But Jesus paid that price for that murderer, not just u and me. So please check our heart. No One deserves hell, just ask Jesus.

Stop the Games!

"The way you move is like a full on rain storm and I'm a house of cards"

You are everything I use to hate but somewhere along the way I found a pretty cool friend to do crazy shit with. I wrote a blog sometime a go called "Typical or Not-so-Typical Teenager" about how he should've been the one I liked instead of his best friend.

STOP! I began writing this yesterday with a different mind set. I'm tired of all the drama and the crap over a single guy that's hardly around. What the hell am I fighting for??? A guy that plays nothing but mind games, drugs and sex???

Lies are so easy to fall into but in the morning sun so easy to catch! If you want to be a part of this Twisted life, PROVE IT!

Stop the Games!

Done

I'm tired of of giving chance after chance only to see the actions produced by drugs and lust. My ears bleed at the sound of more candy coated lies. If you were here (funny right?!) I'd have one last thing to say, "I'm done." That's it plain and simple, no wrath upon you just simple words of regret.

Second Chance?

"saturday at the _________ i didnt really fill tht condom up or any of tht idk if u knew this or could tell but_____ walkd away cryin i think"

This is pretty much a Jerk statement!
1st Off he states the obvious making him sound like he is calling me stupid!
2nd Yeah him pretty much ruined my first time having sex, thanks for bringing it back up!
3rd Both him and his best friend wanted in my pants, he didn't get to BooHoo he has his own girlfriend!
4rth I noticed him crying, I've even talked to him about it. . .Oh well I've told him I don't see him that way!
5th Way to be a man. . .start something you can't finish!
6th He IMed me this!

He than goes on to say this "but um tht doest mean i dont wanna fuck you though"

Why the hell didn't he finish what he started! He might not get a second chance!

FEEDBACK? PLEASE!

My Twisted Havoc

This Twisted soul is starting to be well content

He may not be labeled as my "boyfriend" but we have an amazing time together and that's all that matters. Only one week left of College and looking back on this year I've made some pretty epically awesome friends ♥ I've fallen several times and left many scars but each time I got back up and started a new adventure. So what if I made a lot of mistakes I'm not perfect. . . I'm Twisted!

And I wouldn't Have it any other way as a start my next adventure. . . About 2 and a half weeks out till Basic Training where I'll become Army Strong and Who knows what Havoc awaits me there (:

You Never Loved Me At All

Why would you purposely hurt someone you love or better yet HOW could you purposely hurt someone you love?
This question has been haunting me and the answer is beyond my knowledge. I know I have messed up before and caused a lot of grief but I always had good intentions. I may walk a little bit sideways at times but I always took the road less traveled just for you. I did all I could and still it wasn't enough. & it will never be enough simply because fate will take its course. I admit I am a handful and a long shot gamble but never am I a flat out jerk. My life couldn't stopping spinning till you decided to come around. But the answer to my question might just be: You Never Loved Me At All

I do NOT miss him!

I won't admit it! I refuse to admit it! I don't care if it's true, I'm not admitting it!
I do NOT miss him!
I hope he's happy doing whatever cause obviously my feelings don't matter! I didn't mean to hurt him, I was only telling him the truth. He is an amazing guy but I'm not in love with him. I care about him and love him but he just isn't the right person for me.
& yeah i have a crush on this crazy rock star but i haven't seen him since our date. Talked to him some on fb but that's it. He's cool and all but really it's just a stupid crush... my ex shouldn't have made such a big deal about him but whatever.
I do NOT miss him!

Fixed

wow you actually wrote me a message and to no surprise my boyfriend freaked out. Guess I was a idiot to believe he won't, again your right. And I hate being wrong. There was so much I wanted to say and so little I actually could say. Everything is so messed up in my mind. I care about you and want to be a better friend than I was but I really love him. He means sooo much to me and I wish he could understand what I'm going through. He could be the one, actually now I'm pretty sure he is. I'd love to discus that with you, it would prove how much I've grown. Again I have so much to say but I'm not sure I really can. It's all so confusing and the past is haunting. The things I did, the way I acted was unacceptable! I've hurt three amazing guys and have manged to stay friends with two of them but I lost you. I'm not sure I even want a friendship, mainly I want to hear your doing well. But I will finally admit, never mind I won't. The bridge is burned and I don't know that it can be Fixed.

**This letter is to a guy who will never receive it. We have burned a bridge that might not ever be Fixed!

Foolishly Burned

I hope your doing well & by the way thanks! I finally enlisted yesterday just like you said I would. I gave up on my self so many times but you never did, you knew I would make it. Everyone is so proud of me and I'm just eating up all the attention. I know though you'd be prouder than any of them because you understand everything I went through, in fact you went through a lot of the same things.
I hope the Navy is everything you hoped for and more! I hope you made lots of friends and excelled in p.t. and everything else they threw your way. I'm sure you did though you are amazing and have tons of determination. I wish we hadn't burned this bridge but I won't admit I miss you.
Things are Going Well here and I hope it is there too.

This letter is to an amazing guy you will never get for the bridges we Foolishly Burned !

Lives

Here My Conclusions: I make my own choices, good or bad, and deal with my own Consequences. I may stray from my path at times but It's my path. I live my own life not what others demand of me. & Anyone who has a problem with that isn't needed in my life!


I can't be picture prefect like they want nor would I if the chance was available! I love my crazy slightly messed up friends. My boyish look is comfortable and my style. I screw up though and things don't always go my way. I understand they want what's best for me but I have to live my life. Cause the Secret is...
 
"Everybody Dies But Not Everyone LIVES!

Walking

"Your gonna miss me cause I'm getting dizzy going round and round"


You had your chance at love and friendship. You never knew which you wanted and keep stringing me along. Well FYI you can only push me so far before I leave myself. And I did. You didn't try to stop me like i wanted u to, so I'm going to keep WALKING!

Natural

"Evil Is always possible. And Goodness is eternally difficult."

We have to learn to be nice, like when were little we learn to share and make friends. We don't have to learn to lie, cheat and do evil. It's human nature. So does that mean we should forgive each other, since were all in the wrong? I hope so, I need a lot of forgiveness. If it's part of humanity then we all do it, we make mistakes and cause disasters. So will I be OK... it's NATURAL?

Stuck

And even if my life is suddenly decides to stop the world doesn't. It moves on and the people do to. I guess im just pathic being stuck in place. But i see nothing to move on to and nothing in the past worth remebering so in the end i'm just STUCK.

Forgiveness

"Forgiveness such a simple word but so Hard to do when you've been hurt."

I messed up but he forgave me. Told me it was alright, that I couldn't change the past but I did the right thing to fix the future. So everything is alright, right? Wrong!

I can't forgive myself. The memory haunts me and I can't forget the other. He is so forgiving and it makes it worse knowing I hurt someone how loves me so much.

If my soul wasn't so Twisted, I wouldn't have made the mistake and I wouldn't need FORGIVENESS.