Dear Lost Love

I'm not sure what you are anymore
Maybe you are the hopes and dreams that escape me.
I don't know but here's what I do know:
1. Your my favorite dream walker, my dreams are incomplete until you show up and cause havok.
2. Some days I stay trapped in memory lane and your the only thing on my mind
3. Days go by, months go by but still I miss you
4. I love you
I'm not sure in what way I love you or why I love you. "Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano." All I know is nothing is the same without you.
- Nix

I hate people

"I'm just not happy anymore"
Those were his exact words. Wow way to really kick someone that is down. Way to stab a knife right through the heart. He'd rather spend what time he does have with his friends that are girls then me when I find time off work. I'm criticized for working, for earning money for college so I could have a better life. Wow doesn't life just suck. I just want to be left alone but everyone wants to put there two sense in it. I ask please leave me alone. I even say please but people just get mad. I don't understand why people are so selfish. I'd lay it all down for them and they just walk away. Promises left broken and heart left shattered.

Numbing of the Pain

Getting over you or use to the pain?

5 a.m wake up, I survived another day with no tears for you...
That old song brought up memories for a second but they faded...
That cute girl drives me absolutely crazy...
Our text messages no longer leave a gashing hole...

But I'm afraid it's just the Numbing of the Pain

Done

I'm tired of of giving chance after chance only to see the actions produced by drugs and lust. My ears bleed at the sound of more candy coated lies. If you were here (funny right?!) I'd have one last thing to say, "I'm done." That's it plain and simple, no wrath upon you just simple words of regret.

Change

My heart forgave you in assumptions that you had walked away for good. Now you throw around promises with whiskey on your breath, I would say come back sober but your more truthful, more you in this state of mind. This awkward punk rock chick is fencing  between her old life with your drugs and her new life that seems to be coming together. Easy choice right, of course but temptation's pressure grows and my heart wants to believe that you could change. 

Twisted Roller Coaster

Well my twist always keeps things interesting....

->I still miss my ex to extreme measures and the friend that recently passed away in a car crash
->The new guy I'm talking to might only be interested in sex drugs and rap???? Oh yeah and smoking is my new addiction. FYI rap imo is Retards Attempting Poetry
-> Speaking of addictions the urge to cut has returned
-> Depression is again taking it's toll
->But overall things aren't too bad

Yep I'm a Twisted Roller Coaster

Downward Spiral

reality is taking it's toll once again...

His death is weighting down on me along with his secret he never got to reveal because of me
Our break up sent me spiraling downwards even father once you found her
Drugs seems so appealing lately
And Daniel wrote on "Last letter to Daniel"
I don't understand what's wrong with me, my life is constantly in the state of insanity and the more I escape reality the worse reality becomes. Maybe this Twisted Outlook isn't as great as I once believed.
Don't be fooled being different is awesome but this downward spiral is messing up my twist. 

Nothing More

What is love worth when not acted upon? A simple feeling no greater than Anger or Agony.

I Don't Want To Love You

I love you.
There I admit it.... I love you!
No matter how I try I can't get over you
New Boyfriend ✔
Stay Busy✔
Never say your name✔
Keep you out of my dreams✔


But all you have to do is re appear and all my feelings come rushing back but
I Don't Want To Love You!

Without Love

The words I said I didn't mean. Angry, agony swell up in me. Overwhelming pain drowns me.
Your gone. There is no forever. I become lost, broken but alive. Life is now a strange sensation. What is life without love?

Hurt!

I hate confessions!

I hate that I pour my heart out only to have it ripped out!
I hate that I love him with every piece of my broken heart!
I hate not wanting to let go!
I hate that cried in front of my friends over him!
I hate that I can't stop thinking of him!
I hate that he is moving on without me!
But mostly I hate this pain... I'd rather be anger to admit this pain, this sorrow. I wan to be angry!
I Hate that I'm not angry.... Only hurt!

Step Up

GRRRRR

I love you! But I don't know what to do or say. I keep pouring out my heart but you never tell me how you feel. You say you still love me but you leave it at that. I'm losing my mind! I need your help... If you want to be with me Step Up!

Save Me

"I tear my heart open I sew my self shut my weakness is that I care too much"

Yeah I lied...I even lied to myself. I miss you, i love you! And that's hard to admit.
I'm scared of so much and these emotions are raw and out there for you
This love has no guarantees
The razor is calling my name and my wrist is longing for its touch
I love you, I'm scared, I'm beginning to go numb
I need you to save me

I do NOT miss him!

I won't admit it! I refuse to admit it! I don't care if it's true, I'm not admitting it!
I do NOT miss him!
I hope he's happy doing whatever cause obviously my feelings don't matter! I didn't mean to hurt him, I was only telling him the truth. He is an amazing guy but I'm not in love with him. I care about him and love him but he just isn't the right person for me.
& yeah i have a crush on this crazy rock star but i haven't seen him since our date. Talked to him some on fb but that's it. He's cool and all but really it's just a stupid crush... my ex shouldn't have made such a big deal about him but whatever.
I do NOT miss him!

Moment of Truth

Your everything the old me loved
I was terrified to take you back because I was afraid you wouldn't love the new me...
But after yesterday I' not so sure the new me is in love with you.
I know you'll blame my new friend and truth is I do like him
But that has nothing to do with us...
Truth is we were never meant to be
& boy does that suck!

Dark

Your really gone. There's nothing I can so or do... you don't even believe me. She's in your arms and my arms hold myself together. "Friends" is what you call us but it's been so long since I've heard your voice or seen your beatiful blue eyes.
I'm alone now. You don't want to be hurt anymore, my best friend... well he just doesn't seem to want to be around. & again my letters to Daniel should begin. But this time is different. I use to believe in these three boys. They were the light in my darkened world. But I now I prefer the dark for light holds too much pain.

Leave

"You . . . don't . . . want me?"
"No"
"Well, that changes things."

I can't promise you I'll move on, I doubt I'll ever will. But I promise to leave you alone. You won't hear from me again. I leave in a few months and this town will be nothing but history. At least I can say I have a year to look back on, maybe. Now the pain is to harsh to look back but one day I hope the pain will ease or I'll grow use to it and I can. There's nothing else left to my name, so at least nothing else can go wrong. Best of luck in all you do.

Unrequited love

"Love, Life, Meaning . . . Over."

The agonizing pain is overwhelming but worst of all I'm lost. Life holds no purpose because I fail every time.

Love has left me with broken memories. I wake up screaming reliving the lose. Such perfect dreams only to be interrupt by reality. This lovely dream walker though is nothing in comparison to his deep blue eyes and mesmerizing smile  in reality. Reality though is far away without love.

Life keeps going while the world continues to turn. Going through the motions I say and do the least to keep moving forward. But really I'm not moving forward, only away from my every dream. Friends try to ease the pain and they might make me smile but love is always in the back of my mind. Unrequited love that is.

Meaning? How can life have meaning without love? Where is the hope when love has given up on you? There is no meaning, plain and simple. Short and to the point. "I can't exist in a world without you."

Good-Bye

I could just lay here
Give into to the pain
Let go of my fear
And go insane
the comforting cold
calls my name
But I have to stand bold
Walk away from the game
Face my demons
Pick up my pride
Forget these reasons
I use for a guide
Tell you good-bye
And do not cry
Just another lesson to learn
With a picture to burn

Not Soon Forgotten

Today I thought about you and the day we had one year ago today. & though I know it shouldn't the memory brings a smile to my face. I should regret what I did but you know what, if I could go back one year I'd do it all over again. The whole day was fun not just parts of the day. I got out with friends and just had fun, no strings attached. It might have sparked more stupid decisions  and some I would change but this one I wouldn't. I won't admit I miss you, that would make it true and I just can't give into my emotions. But such a friend as you can never be forgotten. Yes we both made stupid decisions and had to go are separate ways but I wouldn't change a single thing...well maybe that one time we ditched school but then again probably not. Its a funny memory now that I look back and I can reassuringly tell you I'm not gay ha ha. I was wrong about loving you, I loved the attention and the way you made me believe that you knew where I was coming from. But I really did have feelings for , they just weren't as strong as I once believed. On the other hand You left a Impression NOT SOON FORGOTTEN

This letter is specially written to someone who will never get it. I have to stay strong and continue on my separate path and just pray that he is doing well ♥