Left Behind

As school ends I see our friendship following suit. We can't blame the seasons, the drugs, the lust or even the miles apart. We both will soon reap what we have separately sowed. Your path is leading towards disaster as mine is an endless sky of possibilities. He will not make my decisions though your mattress skills so often make yours. My mind is clear and alert while yours is lost in a smoke screen of ignorance. You coast through life as I begin to awaken from the haze. I fear I have much to leave behind and our cozy friendship is just one of the many cherished memories I leave behind on the road that leads to nowhere.

Insane

The Old me is slipping up again, the insanity is rising just above the skin.
The lust is capturing
The wrath is vindictive
The attention is thriving
The habits are tempting

Where do you draw the line? Where do you say this is ok, it's me and when is it ok to say that's not who I am and it should change? Or am I just Insane?

Stop the Games!

"The way you move is like a full on rain storm and I'm a house of cards"

You are everything I use to hate but somewhere along the way I found a pretty cool friend to do crazy shit with. I wrote a blog sometime a go called "Typical or Not-so-Typical Teenager" about how he should've been the one I liked instead of his best friend.

STOP! I began writing this yesterday with a different mind set. I'm tired of all the drama and the crap over a single guy that's hardly around. What the hell am I fighting for??? A guy that plays nothing but mind games, drugs and sex???

Lies are so easy to fall into but in the morning sun so easy to catch! If you want to be a part of this Twisted life, PROVE IT!

Stop the Games!

Dear Heart

Dear Heart,
You know what....I'm Done!

The past no longer has an effect on me nor do the people I'm leaving behind in that past. Another step forward without looking back. In my twisted reality there is always room for change and a light to guide me. Jesus is the way and the truth. Better than any lust, drug or sin of this world

xoxo,
Twisted

P.s - oh yeah and Heart be prepared for a roller coaster cause I meet this guy and yeah you can guess the rest!

Done

I'm tired of of giving chance after chance only to see the actions produced by drugs and lust. My ears bleed at the sound of more candy coated lies. If you were here (funny right?!) I'd have one last thing to say, "I'm done." That's it plain and simple, no wrath upon you just simple words of regret.

College Experience

You said goodbye, you said "Don't be sorry Nix, I'm sorry."

Well dear I'm not sorry I won't add to your jar of hearts, I just wish I wouldn't have fell for a boy who wouldn't catch me. You took my v-card so I guess I won't forget you but when the memory comes up I'll laugh and the only response about you I'll have to say is: "Crazy college kids"
That's all you are, were.... the stupid college experience. No more, no less.
It's a shame to lose your best friend, he was a good friend to me but I realize he too plays games just a slightly different one than you.
Thanks for the full College Experience!

Haunt Me!

I'm falling for your game. The incredible feeling of skin against skin the closeness of you inside of me  vs. Days without speaking and little to say soberly around the rest of the world. You will kiss me all over but you won't hold my hand. You whisper lines I want to believe, than I'm just one of the guys. From the outside looking in I'm just a fuck buddy but you say I'm more and at times you act like were more. You'll stand up for me and smoke with me, I'm cool enough to hang with your friends and my friends are growing on you.

But I leave soon.. 3 weeks. Than what? I'm gone, this is gone... So please give me something that will Haunt Me!

I ♥ this Game

"Your the kinda reckless that should send me running but I kinda know I won't get far" ♥

People always tell me "I can't wait till someone plays your games on you"
Well it's their lucky day cause this guy is playing!
One day he is totally into me and then he ignores me
Might have been on a date with him the other night... but haven't heard from him since
He is totally driving me crazy but I ♥ this game
It's so much fun & craziness all in mixed together!

Final Decision

Final Decision:
I am going to start a 30 blog. I will start by working on my lust. I will explain more in the new blog. Wish me luck I'm very nervous!

Twisted Choices

Yesterday I wrote Unwanted. That's how I felt in the rush of the moment. 24 hours later though, my view has changed. In angry moments being used seemed like the last straw. But truth is I used him too. In the name of lust, I am no better.

Was he really just wanting in my pants? NO
He cared about me, he was just confused on the line between friendship and more. When his girl friend and him at rough times it was easy to run to me, and he didn't know he was doing it. He understood me and always there to help.

Did he tried to Isolate me from my friends? NO
I wanted to shift the blame, I lost my friends because of Me! I'm selfish, Mean, Devious and more. Guess what though... even though I'm all those things he still cared.

Did I make a Mistake? Huge One
I lost another friend and yet again hurt someone I love. My life is twisted because of TWISTED CHOICES and this time reality was better.

Should I fix things? I can't answer this question
I should forgive? God knows I need forgiveness.
It would upset my boyfriend more, but don't I deserve Forgiveness?
And Can anyone Answer these questions?

Seven Deadly Sins

Their Deadly for a reason, they kill. Some physical, others mentally but the result is always the same, Death. Lots of people suffer from a deadly sin and it slowly destroys their life.

Confession Time: I suffer from Lust.
I want to flirt, I do flirt.
I want to do the wrong thing so I do.
Live in the moment.
Only think of myself and not how it will effect others
I Love my Boyfriend, but i just cheated on him
Lust is a deadly sin, its is tearing me apart and killing me inside. The only solution I see is suicide but I'm too greedy to rid the world of my lust... yet another deadly sin.

Is there forgiveness and am I worth it? Is there a better solution and can I find it? I need a hero but is anyone willing? Can death be avoided after flirting with deadly sins?

Twisted Love

He Loves Her
I Love Him
Typical story right? Wrong!
He loves her though her depression is tearing them apart
I Love another boy but my family and his lifestyle is tearing us apart
They have mixed feelings about each other: lust, friendship & the past
They are exes and close friends
They would be perfect for each other in every way their loved ones aren't
Everybody would Love to see them together
But this is how the story goes:
He Loves Her
I Love Him

This love is not the cure to life people say it is, but it is true love. The difference is when you cross a path with a twisted soul it results in Twisted Love!