Cutting Strings

for an independent person, I sure do always seek out comfort. I like the normal routine of life and usually just go along with whatever but my core is the exact opposite. I look at my tattoo idea and am reminded of my rebellion and everything my youth has stood for. Growing up shouldn't mean changing my views, morals or opinions. I should be loved for who I am not this good girl act. I'm not a dog and I don't want treats for doing good. No is a personal challenge that I always except and I dare someone to challenge me because I'm tired of letting others mold me

Same Story Different Boy

Let me tell the you a story of a fallen girl. . .
She had lost her way, the one boy she thought would always be there to hold her and death of a friend seemed to break her. She stopped caring and starting going through the motions. She found a "prince charming" to take all the pain way or at least to hide the pain. He molded her into everything she never wanted to be and she didn't even notice. At the core she was still her but  she was high on his version life, swallowing his ways abounding her friends who didn't understand. They were angry with her, they gave up on her and by the time she noticed the puppet she was everything she promised she'd never be.

Now hear the story of a strong girl . . .
She was determined for a better life, a way out of the poverty and hatred. She was fixing her mistakes and giving mercy to any that would allow her to. She was independent and wanting to change the world. She found a "prince charming" to help her be a better person. He molded her in the ways of right and wrong, while teaching her that she was a bad person in the past. Maybe she already thought that but he pronounced the thought and made her think it real. At the core she was still herself but she struggled to be that better person, she stepped on many friends in the process, debated on changing her looks and faced much hatred. Her friends are angry but since she was already faced the broken girl's story, she refuses now to let them go.   

Yes these stories highlight the same girl. The strong "prince charming" looks down upon the fallen's "prince charming" but are there ethics really that different? Haven't they harmed the girl's self alike?

A Broken Girl with a Pretty Smile

I just want to scream the pain away, to suffocate all these thoughts in between the screams and the damaged pillow. The Monster is boiling my blood, stretching just beneath the skin. It's a devastating cycle of the monster and hope swirling around dueling each other only to come up in an circle of losing and winning or just stalling on another, never reaching satisfaction for long. But of course I hold it all together with a  deceitful smile, fooling others with mislead beauty. I look around for the comfort of so many but only one seems to be around. And even he can't be much comfort. Because his love trashes at my stomach in this knot, with whispering devils reminding you of the similar promise that broke me to begin with. What am I or what are my plans without him? Of course there are answers unlike before but they seem very empty and numb. The mental block is slipping and no one can tell. I'm just a broken girl with a pretty smile.

Left Behind

As school ends I see our friendship following suit. We can't blame the seasons, the drugs, the lust or even the miles apart. We both will soon reap what we have separately sowed. Your path is leading towards disaster as mine is an endless sky of possibilities. He will not make my decisions though your mattress skills so often make yours. My mind is clear and alert while yours is lost in a smoke screen of ignorance. You coast through life as I begin to awaken from the haze. I fear I have much to leave behind and our cozy friendship is just one of the many cherished memories I leave behind on the road that leads to nowhere.

Never is

I feel the insanity pulsing through my blood, rushing to the skin, waiting to escape. Emotions are high and I can't keep up my block. Drugs enter my mind, it's the ultimate block but I'm not sure it's worth the price I have to pay. I need my friend, he see's the insanity, through the mask and knows the cure. Of course his games tear us apart. If only others would see though he gains his powers through their grudges. If only they could forgive and forget, than he would be powerless. But that is not the problem at stake... This insanity is! I'm drowning in ti and I feel as though there's nothing to hold on to. So many false promises to slow down the insanity, but is it worth it? No, it never is!

Thoughtful Words

So we went our separate ways and your no longer here to help me deal with my problems. Now I'm standing on my own two feet. I think you'd find that hot but I believe you'd see right through my mask. You'd know my instability though no one around me notices. You would be on the verge of telling my boyfriend he's a fool for not being apart of my decision because it will affect My life (that he wants to be apart of). You would have thoughtful words about it while I fail to say anything to him to help him understand. Guess now he won't turn into a pizza and Britt won't eat him. Though I could imagine the story behind that joke happening if you were still around and man would it be funny. I still won't admit I miss you cause it would make it true. But i wish you were here to give me the thoughtful words I need. I need my boyfriend to be a part of my decision if he wants to apart of my life but I don't have your THOUGHTFUL WORDS.

This letter is to whom will never receive it due to going separate ways but will never be Forgotten!

Note To Jealous Girl...

I understand you hate that you can't have my boyfriend. I don't blame you one bit Hun cause mine is beautiful and yours looks like trash. Everyone girl wants my boyfriend and your no competition looking like a cow!
I also understand you hatred towards my cousins and me. We are known for backing up our word while everyone knows your word ain't even worth a penny during the Great Depression.
Word of advice though, No one likes a Jealous Girl!

ALONE

We made plans over a month ago for Saturday. I ask you again about it to Weeks ago and your still in. A few days ago you asked when you needed to be here. Now today your mother decides to be nice for a day out of your life and you voluntarily decided to hang with her Saturday and clean for her leaving me alone with plans. Such a lovely boyfriend to leave me ALONE.

Misery Loves Company

"Be strong now
Because things will get better
It might be stormy now
But it can't rain forever"

You have made everything clear. You love me enough to marry her. Then you say she is the only one to make you feel better and all love is her and her family. That leaves me behind and show how much you truly care.

Or does it? You push the ones you love away because you don't want to hurt them more but you cling to her. She is a total mess, don't believe she could hurt any worse. She makes you miserable because you believe its all about her problems and never yours. If she really loved you then it would go both ways like a real relationship, there for each other. She is just your misery and you are her company. Cause we all know MISERY LOVES COMPANY

Knowledge

" I don't know"

"Nobody ever does"

"Would it matter if they did?"