Same Story Different Boy

Let me tell the you a story of a fallen girl. . .
She had lost her way, the one boy she thought would always be there to hold her and death of a friend seemed to break her. She stopped caring and starting going through the motions. She found a "prince charming" to take all the pain way or at least to hide the pain. He molded her into everything she never wanted to be and she didn't even notice. At the core she was still her but  she was high on his version life, swallowing his ways abounding her friends who didn't understand. They were angry with her, they gave up on her and by the time she noticed the puppet she was everything she promised she'd never be.

Now hear the story of a strong girl . . .
She was determined for a better life, a way out of the poverty and hatred. She was fixing her mistakes and giving mercy to any that would allow her to. She was independent and wanting to change the world. She found a "prince charming" to help her be a better person. He molded her in the ways of right and wrong, while teaching her that she was a bad person in the past. Maybe she already thought that but he pronounced the thought and made her think it real. At the core she was still herself but she struggled to be that better person, she stepped on many friends in the process, debated on changing her looks and faced much hatred. Her friends are angry but since she was already faced the broken girl's story, she refuses now to let them go.   

Yes these stories highlight the same girl. The strong "prince charming" looks down upon the fallen's "prince charming" but are there ethics really that different? Haven't they harmed the girl's self alike?

Left Behind

As school ends I see our friendship following suit. We can't blame the seasons, the drugs, the lust or even the miles apart. We both will soon reap what we have separately sowed. Your path is leading towards disaster as mine is an endless sky of possibilities. He will not make my decisions though your mattress skills so often make yours. My mind is clear and alert while yours is lost in a smoke screen of ignorance. You coast through life as I begin to awaken from the haze. I fear I have much to leave behind and our cozy friendship is just one of the many cherished memories I leave behind on the road that leads to nowhere.

Stop the Games!

"The way you move is like a full on rain storm and I'm a house of cards"

You are everything I use to hate but somewhere along the way I found a pretty cool friend to do crazy shit with. I wrote a blog sometime a go called "Typical or Not-so-Typical Teenager" about how he should've been the one I liked instead of his best friend.

STOP! I began writing this yesterday with a different mind set. I'm tired of all the drama and the crap over a single guy that's hardly around. What the hell am I fighting for??? A guy that plays nothing but mind games, drugs and sex???

Lies are so easy to fall into but in the morning sun so easy to catch! If you want to be a part of this Twisted life, PROVE IT!

Stop the Games!

Numbing of the Pain

Getting over you or use to the pain?

5 a.m wake up, I survived another day with no tears for you...
That old song brought up memories for a second but they faded...
That cute girl drives me absolutely crazy...
Our text messages no longer leave a gashing hole...

But I'm afraid it's just the Numbing of the Pain

Cry For Help

This cry for help cuts me to the soul.
What do you do when a girl confesses her love to you while dealing with major issues and is depending on you BUT you've already moved on? I care about her but what about the guy right here at home? The one I want so badly and ready to trust him this time.... In over my head and this numbing sensation from the current situation leaves me too, Crying Out For Help!

Haunt Me!

I'm falling for your game. The incredible feeling of skin against skin the closeness of you inside of me  vs. Days without speaking and little to say soberly around the rest of the world. You will kiss me all over but you won't hold my hand. You whisper lines I want to believe, than I'm just one of the guys. From the outside looking in I'm just a fuck buddy but you say I'm more and at times you act like were more. You'll stand up for me and smoke with me, I'm cool enough to hang with your friends and my friends are growing on you.

But I leave soon.. 3 weeks. Than what? I'm gone, this is gone... So please give me something that will Haunt Me!

Nothing More

What is love worth when not acted upon? A simple feeling no greater than Anger or Agony.

I Don't Want To Love You

I love you.
There I admit it.... I love you!
No matter how I try I can't get over you
New Boyfriend ✔
Stay Busy✔
Never say your name✔
Keep you out of my dreams✔


But all you have to do is re appear and all my feelings come rushing back but
I Don't Want To Love You!

Without Love

The words I said I didn't mean. Angry, agony swell up in me. Overwhelming pain drowns me.
Your gone. There is no forever. I become lost, broken but alive. Life is now a strange sensation. What is life without love?

Step Up

GRRRRR

I love you! But I don't know what to do or say. I keep pouring out my heart but you never tell me how you feel. You say you still love me but you leave it at that. I'm losing my mind! I need your help... If you want to be with me Step Up!

Save Me

"I tear my heart open I sew my self shut my weakness is that I care too much"

Yeah I lied...I even lied to myself. I miss you, i love you! And that's hard to admit.
I'm scared of so much and these emotions are raw and out there for you
This love has no guarantees
The razor is calling my name and my wrist is longing for its touch
I love you, I'm scared, I'm beginning to go numb
I need you to save me

I ♥ this Game

"Your the kinda reckless that should send me running but I kinda know I won't get far" ♥

People always tell me "I can't wait till someone plays your games on you"
Well it's their lucky day cause this guy is playing!
One day he is totally into me and then he ignores me
Might have been on a date with him the other night... but haven't heard from him since
He is totally driving me crazy but I ♥ this game
It's so much fun & craziness all in mixed together!

Moment of Truth

Your everything the old me loved
I was terrified to take you back because I was afraid you wouldn't love the new me...
But after yesterday I' not so sure the new me is in love with you.
I know you'll blame my new friend and truth is I do like him
But that has nothing to do with us...
Truth is we were never meant to be
& boy does that suck!

Terrified

Love
1 simple word with only four letters. And it terrifies me!

I can stand up to a jerk twice my size. I might get my butt kicked but I'll still have my pride and will at least get a few good punches in!
I can hold my head up through all the nasty labels, because I know I'm better than that!
Put a gun to my head, I'll tell you to pull it, cause i honestly doubt you have the guts to pull the trigger!
I may stand my ground from any clown cause really can you not tell their Physcopaths in makeup! But I will not run with my tail tucked under!

But you absolutely terrify me. This feeling I have makes me weak in the knees but running back for more. I want to run away from the pain of heartbreak. It's worse than any pain, including a hurt pride. I can face anything head on but you. Cause what if I mess up one to many times? What if I'm not good enough? What if you decided not to love me anymore?

Worth The Pain

"This is the last night you'll spend alone look me in the eyes so I'll know you know I'm everything you need me to be"

My best friend and boyfriend are the most amazing guys in the universe. There is nothing better than these two guys; Id rather have them at their worse than anyone else at their best.  I don't agree with their stance on my new friend though. I realize their afraid I'll get hurt and secretly I'm afraid I could get hurt or maybe my friend. But to me its worth the chance of getting hurt and apparently they feel the same way or they won't still talk to me. I really don't know how he feels about our friendship but I realize true friends are the ones to keep. We both messed up but we're also both able to forgive and start over. He's my friend and that means a lot to me. He may be a pathological liar but hey I'm a crazy bitch! I love my boyfriend and best friend and I hope they soon understand how i feel and realize Friendship like this is Worth The Pain.

Battlefields!

"When you smile the whole world stops and stares for a while... Cause your amazing just the way you are"

I was so worried with me going off to the Army we'd have to go are separate ways but he still says forever and always. It pains me to think he might have to give up his dreams for mine. I want the very best for the ones I love and I'm not sure I can let him give up his dreams to follow a crazy solider. I'm not sure he fully understands the sacrifice it takes to be with a solider. Why does love have to be a battlefield, why can't battlefields just be in wars? Cause now I'm gonna have 2 battlefields!

Catch Me

"By The Way You Left Without Saying Goodbye To Me"

I look back and realize we did all we could to hold on but in the end we had to split up for we couldn't run from fate forever. Sure we wanted to and we might have even had the passion to but fate would've caught up to us. Yeah we still talk from time to time a state part and we're both doing our own things but sometimes I remember how it was to be together. Don't get me wrong, I only want to be with my boyfriend, but the thought of how close we were to how distant we are now breaks my heart.
But even worse I see it happening all over again. Our reasons for separating are slowly unraveling around my present day. I still want to run from fate and million dollar questions is when will fate CATCH ME!

More Than A Fairytale

"Your the Best Thing That's Ever Been Mine"

Sometimes I feel discouraged and I lose sight of all that's right. Then I see your face and feel your touch and the world fades out of view. I never thought Id get close to anyone other than my best friend. I thought friendship was all life had to offer. Love seemed like a fairytale. Now I see your face and feel your touch and realize love is so much MORE THAN A FAIRYTALE all because of you ♥

After You

"All The Past Is Just A Lesson We Have Learned"

I caught myself thinking of you today wondering how your doing and wishing you were here to see how far I've come. Everything is different now from the shoes on my feet to my outlook on life. You were all I needed to see clearly, a person to not hold back and yell at me about horrid person I was being. Now I look back at the fight and embrace it for without it where would I be now?
People go their separate ways and letting go is just apart of life but I find myself thinking of you. I hope the Navy is everything you wanted it to be. And though you can't be here and my thoughts rarely turn to you, you've still got a piece of my heart. Weather it was all a lie or not is a skeptical topic but the good memories still burn my heart. I pray that God watches AFTER YOU.

My Life

"You saw it coming but it hit you out of nowhere"

Got back home from my date and I feel terrible. His foster family was with us and the dad asked the most challenging questions and then reviled a heart breaking decision. My boyfriend has decided to join the Marines, most girl would be proud their guys going to serve the country but not me. That's always been my dream! I'm serving my country when I get out of college so where does that leave us? Two different services and places! That's why I don't attach myself to people cause they always leave. If that's what he wants I won't stop he but I won't let he stop me from joining the Army either for that's all I've ever wanted to do with MY LIFE.