Same Story Different Boy

Let me tell the you a story of a fallen girl. . .
She had lost her way, the one boy she thought would always be there to hold her and death of a friend seemed to break her. She stopped caring and starting going through the motions. She found a "prince charming" to take all the pain way or at least to hide the pain. He molded her into everything she never wanted to be and she didn't even notice. At the core she was still her but  she was high on his version life, swallowing his ways abounding her friends who didn't understand. They were angry with her, they gave up on her and by the time she noticed the puppet she was everything she promised she'd never be.

Now hear the story of a strong girl . . .
She was determined for a better life, a way out of the poverty and hatred. She was fixing her mistakes and giving mercy to any that would allow her to. She was independent and wanting to change the world. She found a "prince charming" to help her be a better person. He molded her in the ways of right and wrong, while teaching her that she was a bad person in the past. Maybe she already thought that but he pronounced the thought and made her think it real. At the core she was still herself but she struggled to be that better person, she stepped on many friends in the process, debated on changing her looks and faced much hatred. Her friends are angry but since she was already faced the broken girl's story, she refuses now to let them go.   

Yes these stories highlight the same girl. The strong "prince charming" looks down upon the fallen's "prince charming" but are there ethics really that different? Haven't they harmed the girl's self alike?

Check Your Heart

I don't understand how you claim to be a christian set apart from those believers who act wordly as though they know not God but then turn around and condemn someone to hell for their wrong doings. That was never God's love nor is it a way to present yourself as a follower of Christ! This is what leads people away.
A man stands on trail for death row, he murdered your friend and others. So now he deserves to burn in hell for all eternity He soul is worthless to you but what is his soul to God? Does God not love him as his own and sent his son to die for him.
Peter was one of the closet disciple to Christ. Yet before he turned to Christ he murdered people. One of those could have been your friend or your loved one. Does that mean Peter should burn in hell? A disciple that followed after God's own heart, has books in the Bible and deserves hell.
If that was the case we all deserve hell. But Jesus paid that price for that murderer, not just u and me. So please check our heart. No One deserves hell, just ask Jesus.

Never is

I feel the insanity pulsing through my blood, rushing to the skin, waiting to escape. Emotions are high and I can't keep up my block. Drugs enter my mind, it's the ultimate block but I'm not sure it's worth the price I have to pay. I need my friend, he see's the insanity, through the mask and knows the cure. Of course his games tear us apart. If only others would see though he gains his powers through their grudges. If only they could forgive and forget, than he would be powerless. But that is not the problem at stake... This insanity is! I'm drowning in ti and I feel as though there's nothing to hold on to. So many false promises to slow down the insanity, but is it worth it? No, it never is!

Change

My heart forgave you in assumptions that you had walked away for good. Now you throw around promises with whiskey on your breath, I would say come back sober but your more truthful, more you in this state of mind. This awkward punk rock chick is fencing  between her old life with your drugs and her new life that seems to be coming together. Easy choice right, of course but temptation's pressure grows and my heart wants to believe that you could change. 

Terrified

Love
1 simple word with only four letters. And it terrifies me!

I can stand up to a jerk twice my size. I might get my butt kicked but I'll still have my pride and will at least get a few good punches in!
I can hold my head up through all the nasty labels, because I know I'm better than that!
Put a gun to my head, I'll tell you to pull it, cause i honestly doubt you have the guts to pull the trigger!
I may stand my ground from any clown cause really can you not tell their Physcopaths in makeup! But I will not run with my tail tucked under!

But you absolutely terrify me. This feeling I have makes me weak in the knees but running back for more. I want to run away from the pain of heartbreak. It's worse than any pain, including a hurt pride. I can face anything head on but you. Cause what if I mess up one to many times? What if I'm not good enough? What if you decided not to love me anymore?

Dare Not Ask

I can't believe you've read these letters to you. I never expected you to keep this URL, never the less to graduate basic and look back at it. After everything I put you through I thought I'd never hear from you again. It what I deserve. Not saying It's all my fault but I could've been a better friend. I could've been there when you needed me but I was always to self conceited. I want to hope for a friendship but I will ask for no such thing. I simply don't deserve it and you have no reason to believe I have changed. I have though and there's so much I want to say but so little to actually say. Read between the lines though and you will see my heart is still breaking over  the bridges we burned. I see so much more in between your lines though it's possible that's just my ego. I want our friendship back so much but I Dare Not Ask!

**These letters are to an amazing guy I never expected him to read but he did and it scares me to know he could read this one too!

Broken

So I have all these things that are suppose to help me as I wrote in my last blog. Though I can't seem to do them. I want to just lay and do nothing so I do. I can't find the motivation to very much at all.

Plus the bf is really upsetting me. I know I messed to last month but will I ever get his trust back? I can't hang with my friends but you can smoke pot with yours. Guess our relationship is peachy perfect and that's not even counting today's lies.

Going crazy here and can't seem to fix anything. Maybe school will help. Less than a month till that. Or maybe I'm just BROKEN

Natural

"Evil Is always possible. And Goodness is eternally difficult."

We have to learn to be nice, like when were little we learn to share and make friends. We don't have to learn to lie, cheat and do evil. It's human nature. So does that mean we should forgive each other, since were all in the wrong? I hope so, I need a lot of forgiveness. If it's part of humanity then we all do it, we make mistakes and cause disasters. So will I be OK... it's NATURAL?

Forgiveness

"Forgiveness such a simple word but so Hard to do when you've been hurt."

I messed up but he forgave me. Told me it was alright, that I couldn't change the past but I did the right thing to fix the future. So everything is alright, right? Wrong!

I can't forgive myself. The memory haunts me and I can't forget the other. He is so forgiving and it makes it worse knowing I hurt someone how loves me so much.

If my soul wasn't so Twisted, I wouldn't have made the mistake and I wouldn't need FORGIVENESS.